Music: part 4

Nick. That was not my boyfriend's name, but that is what my parents called him. If you used to watch Family Ties, you'd understand why. He was a musician, and aspired to become a sound engineer (which he did, by the way). Music was extremely important to him, and as a result, I acquired many mix-tapes.

Being older now, I no longer felt the extreme need to hide my music from my mom as much as I used to. I enjoyed the eclectic mix of music on those tapes : The Cure, Journey, Eric Clapton, Depeche Mode, Van Halen, etc.

He was older and more mature than I was. At that point in my life, I was more enthralled with the "chase & conquest" than I was the nurturing of a relationship. He had encompassed the better part of my Sophomore year, but I eventually let the pangs of wanting a new "chase & conquest" get the better of me. I broke up with him in a very immature and mean manner, and quickly moved on to my next victim, or victims rather.

Having casually dated several boys since that break-up, I began to sense the futility in it all. The Holy Spirit began whispering into my soul. Slowly, I came to realize that I had been searching for happiness in the wrong places. So, at the age of fifteen, in the latter part of my Sophomore year, I professed to God that I wanted Him to fill the void in my life that I had been trying to fill with boys. I told God that I wanted to be satisfied with Him alone, and that I would forego my earthly search for a mate. If I was to ever have a boyfriend again, He would have to completely mastermind the entire meeting, because I was through. I had surrendered my heart to the one true Lover of my soul. It felt wonderful!

My music didn't seem appropriate anymore. I wasn't quite sure what to do about that, because music was such a huge part of my life. I wasn't about to go back to Evie and Dino, after enjoying the stylings of the secular world for so long. I guess there was always Amy & Michael, but other than that, I didn't know any contemporary Christian artists to fill this musical void.

I prayed about it.

God answered my prayer, by way of the Seattle Mariners.

My brother was a Freshman at Corban College (Western Baptist, at the time), and decided to bring a few of his buddies up to our house in Seattle to catch a couple Mariner games. Of course, my mom and I went, too, for we loved the Mariners and loved spending time with my brother. I didn't sit next to my brother, however. Who I did sit next to, is the man I now call husband.

That evening at the Mariner game, began the relationship that God had intended for me. God was simply waiting for me to concede control of my life to Him. He wanted my heart, and in turn, granted me the desires of my heart, far beyond anything I could have ever fathomed.

Along with my wonderful new relationship with Ben, came a whole new set of mix-tapes. These tapes were different, however. They were full of music I had never heard of before. I very quickly fell in love with a whole new crop of contemporary Christian artists: Russ Taff, Petra, DeGarmo & Key, Mylon & Brokenheart, Steve Camp, etc.

Because my mom was also so in love with Ben, my new musical interests were completely fine with her. If Ben's stamp of approval were on them, then so was hers.

Ben had also, just recently, given the key to his heart to God, declaring the same thing that I had. I didn't know this until I got to the end of the first mix-tape he made me, which had a recording of himself reading a poem about being satisfied with God alone, and trusting Him with your heart in regards to future relationships. I was blown away. He was reading what my soul had uttered only months before.

We began our long-distance relationship: nightly (expensive) phone calls, letters upon letters, visiting as much as possible, and declaring that we would never again listen to secular music.

Yes, that's right. We had decided to shut the door tightly to the world's music and focus only on music that edified God. It was an overnight change that was quite easy to make. What I didn't realize, at the time, was that I was falling victim to the legalism that I had grown up under, and had rebelled against. Is that really the path I should be taking?

It seemed to be the right move for my singing career. But, here, I still unknowingly struggled with using God's name to further my own cause. Until, that is, one particular singing competition.....