My Most Embarrassing Moment Ever

Ok. It's time. It's time to come clean. It's time for me to share with you my most embarrassing moment ever. I'm not sure if you're ready for this, but I'm gonna let it rip.

Come back in time with me, won't you, to August of 1987. It was a happy time. Bangs were tall, eyelashes were blue and Janet Jackson knew exactly where her house key was. Reagan was still in office and Michael J. Fox had recently returned from the future.

Still a month away from thirteen, I headed off to camp as I had done every summer since 1981. Camp Cherith. These two weeks, I was certain, would be the highlight of my summer, as they had been every year. The weeks did not disappoint. I enjoyed all the great activities and loved spending time with all my camp friends with whom I would reunite every year.

My favorite activities were always archery and vaulting, and this particular summer was no exception. For those of you who are unfamiliar with vaulting, it is essentially gymnastics on a swiftly moving, well-mannered horse. Here are a few pictures with which to familiarize yourselves:

That's me, to the right of the horse. Peroxide.

This would be the toe-hold.

Here we have the back bend.

At the end of each week of camp, the campers make their rounds to all the different classes to see what everyone has accomplished during the week. The vaulting show was always a highlight. For the three other vaulters and myself, this was our opportunity to show off our newly learned skills.

My most prided new skill of the week was called: The Shoulder Stand. This is where I would settle my right shoulder down onto the neck of the horse, while grasping onto the special handle bars with both hands. I would then proceed to kick both legs straight up into the air and hold myself completely upside down as the horse canters around the circle. It is very difficult and requires a lot of strength.

The moment arrived. I had successfully performed my other stunts: the back-bend, the cart-wheel dismount, the turn-around back mount, and the toe-hold. It was now time for the show stopper: The Shoulder Stand. I hopped up onto my knees and got my hands in place. I was ready. I could do this. I planted my shoulder onto the muscular neck of Nandor, the Norwegian Fjiord horse. I kicked my legs up into the air and caught my balance. I was doing it!

As the horse was bouncing around the circle in its gait, my shirt began to slide slowly downward toward my head. I started panicking, not wanting to expose my AA's with all in attendance. Fortunately, one of my spotters shot to my rescue to hold my shirt in place. Embarrassment avoided. Yes, my mom snapped a picture right at that moment. Mom.

Had that only been the worst case scenario of embarrassment.

As I focused on making two full revolutions in this demanding position, I had to grit my teeth to endure the pain and keep my legs upright. It required every muscle in my body. That is when it happened. As I came near to the crowd, beyond all my control, I proceeded to let out the loudest fart that ever had been heard up until that point in time. I believe it still may hold the record, I'm not sure. It was a doozie. I think all that camp food had just wreaked havoc on my intestinal system. Everything that had built up all week came out in all its glory at that very moment in front of the hundred or so in attendance. Now, f you're brave enough to hear it, Click here.

My spotter didn't know what hit her. My only saving grace was that half of the audience assumed that something of that nature could have only come out of the rear of the horse. Poor horse. Poor spotter. Now, poor you.

I feel better now. Thanks for listening. I look forward to you reciprocating your most embarrassing moments in your respective blogs.....if you dare.