My Rose

"How in the world did THIS happen? Well, I mean, I know how this happened, but...Really! How could this happen?"


I felt like a broken record. Hadn't we just uttered those words three years earlier? It was now 1997, and Ben and I were happily raising our adorable two year old little girl. Gabby was a great little girl. I was very pleased with how she was turning out. So pleased, in fact, that we didn't want to jinx it by having another. "Let's quit while we're ahead," we said to each other. So Ben & I embarked on a campaign to quiet all those who questioned us about when our second child would be coming. "We are done," we informed them.


God was not done.


Knowing the gift He had in store for us, and knowing where we were coming from, God worked in a wonderful way to prepare our hearts for welcoming our second child. When I first sensed that I was pregnant, I quickly made my way to Albertson's to purchase the most expensive pregnancy test I could find. I did not tell Ben. Negative. Whew. A week went by. Feeling that the test may have been wrong, I returned to Albertson's. New test. Positive. Panic and anxiety filled my being. I ran to Ben and poured out my fears and frustrations. His reaction? Sheer and utter joy and excitement. Thanks, Ben.


The soonest doctor's appointment was two days out. I took those two days to analyze to the penny how we could possibly make this happen. I thought about the stresses of having a newborn while raising a toddler. I was devastated at the thought of having to strip part of my love for Gabby and having to place it on this unwelcomed addition.


I concluded that this was not a good plan.


Handing my sample to the nurse, she informed me that I would need to call the nurses' station in two days to receive the results of the test. "Are you kidding me?" Those were two very long days, but the hour finally arrived. I called the minute the office opened. Nervously, I gave my information. The bland voice on the other line simply asked me to hold a minute, then returned with a very cold, "That's a negative."


Ecstatic, I ran to the bedroom to inform Ben that all was ok! We can remain our happy little family of three! Ben was visibly disappointed. I was elated.
.
For about five minutes.


It was then that God began to work in my heart. He said, "Ok. Now that you don't have the fear and stress of a baby imminently on the horizon, stop and REALLY think about it for a second. It's not that bad! I will take care of you. You will love this baby! This is my gift to you."


And I believed Him.


I went back to the doctor the following week, and received my confirmation that, yes, I was indeed pregnant. The negative test was rare, but they saw it occasionally, they said. I know, however, that God was being gracious. He knew I needed that moment of clarity and I thank Him for it. My pregnancy was filled with anticipation, and I couldn't wait to meet my gift.


Greta Rose entered the world at 2:57pm, February 22, 1998.


The miraculous thing was that rather than splitting my love between my two daughters, God simply grew my love to enormous proportions. I had no idea that my heart could be opened that much. I bonded with my Greta Rose the moment they laid her on my chest. She slept so peacefully, and seemed to just melt into my body as if we were one. It was one of the most glorious feelings I have ever felt.


I quickly grew accustomed to that feeling, for Greta didn't really wake up until she was about three months old. Every picture we have of her before three months, she is out cold. I had never seen anything like it. I had no idea they made babies like this!


But when she finally did wake up, and began to bloom into her sweet self, I once again looked on in awe, for I never knew they made people like this! Greta emerged as one of the most caring, kindest people I have ever met. She never ceases to amaze me. Her inner being is so innocently loving. She is utterly beautiful to me.


Now, Greta, I must say, is also a class clown. I think you know whose gene pool that came from. She truly delights in making people laugh, often at the expense of herself. This needs monitoring from time to time (right, Leslie?!), but I can't help but smile. Her heart's good.


Greta can spend hours in her room playing alone. She is confident and imaginative. She often emerges from those times with a handful of cards that she's made for people. She LOVES making cards for people!


My little Rose has never, ever been concerned with what people think about her. In fact, I don't think she even fathoms that people may ever judge her in any way. I know this innocence may someday fade, but for now I treasure that in her. I wish I had more of that.


God is very central in her life. I think she sees things a little like God sees them. She is full of compassion and mercy, and I love my little Rose with all my heart.


Thank you, God, for this gift!