Conversation Killers

Example #1

Setting: Walmart
Purpose: Purchasing one yard of purple fabric to cover the box of Aunt Lauren's remains for the memorial service
Salesperson: "Oh, what a great color! Are you making a cape for a Halloween costume?"



Example #2

Setting: Alaska Airlines flight
Purpose: Returning home from the funeral in San Jose
Flight Attendant Seth: "Did you and your girls have a great time in San Jose? Did you all go to Great America?"


This is my life lately. : )

His First Gold Medal

Just for giggles.

True Story

Date: 8-20-08
Time: 6:18pm pacific daylight time
Location: The outside eating area of Taco Del Mar



I touched a bat and I liked it,
Its fur like velvet carpet.
I touched a bat just to try it.
Hope I don't end up real sick.
It felt so soft, it felt so weird.
Don't think I want this new pet.
I touched a bat and I liked it.
I liked it.

There. You now have alternative lyrics to remember. You're welcome.

Let's Stroll, Shall We?

Down Memory Lane!
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The Directions:
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1. Leave a comment on my blog. (Even if you never have before!!!!--I know you're out there!!) In the comment, recall one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember! Please be nice to me! :-)
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2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you.
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My friend Angela just did this on her blog and I thought it was a fun one!

Signs of Summer

Weather, smeather.

Although this first full day of summer in the Pacific Northwest is a beauty, around here we usually can't really rely on the forecast to inform us of the change of seasons.

I prefer my own tell-tale signs that summer is officially upon us:



*Staying up until a quarter to two reading a book that I just can't put down. In this case, The Shack, recommended by The Daily Ditch.

*Setting my alarm to wake me up at 10:30am~otherwise I would surely oversleep.

*Snoozing my alarm until 10:45.



Aahhhh, summer! Freedom from school schedules, bedtimes and early alarms.

What are your tell-tale signs that summer has arrived?

Did you know.......

......that it takes exactly 168 hours for a cute little pink Motorola Razor to completely dry out after being dropped into the toilet?


Fortunately, once dried, all contacts and Zuma high scores are saved.
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Our world is amazing. Ben and I were talking yesterday about how spoiled we are now as a society. When we want to speak with anyone, we can do so immediately. One cell phone call away.
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When Ben & I started dating, I would speak to him on the kitchen phone that had a 20 foot cord attached to it. At that time, cordless home phones were extremely rare and we were not among the fortunate that owned one. I would stretch that white coiled cord as far as it could possibly reach in order to steal a private moment with my BF.
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After we were married, my father-in-law bought a new contraption. A very large black brick. He called it a cellular phone. I had no idea what that meant, but it sounded outlandish. And why in the world would he need one? What a novelty.
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Last Friday, I accidentally left my cell phone at home. The day was extremely inconvenient because of that mishap.
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Oh how things change.
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How do you think we'll communicate with others ten years from now?

The Truths Revealed, the Lie Unveiled

Ok, the votes are in.

For you type-A's out there, the tallies were: 5 votes for #1, 4 votes for #2, and 3 votes for #3. So I think it's safe to say that I am a talented liar, seeing as how the voting was so evenly spread. Quite a talent for a pastor's wife, eh?

So here's the facts:

1. I "enjoyed" my first taste of sushi while in San Francisco last week.

TRUE

For those of you who are unaware, I HATE seafood. I realize that I grew up in Seattle, just minutes from the Pike Place Market so that should be illegal, but, hey, that's just how God made me. I do, however, like to practice what I preach. So, when having lunch with Gabby's friend, Paige, at Great America last week I realized that I had do just that. I had successfully coaxed Paige into trying her very first roller coaster--which she LOVED, by the way--so she challenged me to try my first roll of sushi. What else could I do? I popped that whole puppy--seaweed and all--right into my mouth, thought happy thoughts so as not to gag, and got it all down, confirming my belief that sushi is nasty. But at least now I know.

Note: the fact that "enjoyed" was in quotes was to signify sarcasm. That's how I roll.




2. I auditioned and was accepted into the Seattle Opera Chorus in 1992.

TRUE

For three years, from 1991-1993, I focused mostly on classical and opera singing. I had auditioned for the Seattle Opera Chorus shortly before my high school graduation in 1992, hoping to sing with them during the summer before I was to start college. I sang the aria "O Mio Babbino Caro" from Puccini's Gianni Schicchi. After successfully auditioning and being invited to participate in the chorus, I began having problems with stress laryngitis. A doctor's visit revealed two cysts growing on my vocal chords and I was instructed to refrain from singing for the entire summer. It was devastating, but in order to be able to sing in college, I needed to abide, therefore sadly bidding the Seattle Opera arrivederci.

Here is a picture of me performing "Lusinghe piu Care" by Handel, in a 1992 vocal competition.

3. I have met and had tea with the King and Queen of Denmark.

FALSE

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Ok, I admit, I was a little devious on this fact because I have, actually, had tea with a king and queen, just not the ones from Denmark.

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Here I am with the King and Queen of Sweden in 1983. Can you figure out which one is me? Do you see the tea cup in Queen Sylvia's hands? Apparently, I had decided that my faux rabbit fur jacket would be appropriate to wear to this occasion.....with pig-tailed braids of course.

This is where Queen Sylvia calls me Pippi Longstocking.

Resemblance??

Thanks for playing along! Now let's hear yours on your blogs......I'm waiting!

Two Truths and a Lie

How well do you know me?

Two Truths and a Lie is a fun game I like to play whenever I'm in a group of people that need to get to know one another a little better, such as a pool of jurors or a rambunctious group of teenagers.

Following, you will find three facts about me. Two of them are completely real and honest. One of them, however, is a total lie. It is your job to spot the deception.

Seeing that I have revealed quite a bit about myself in these prose, I will need to reach deep into the depths of Sharon trivia in order to stump you.

Good luck!

1. I "enjoyed" my first taste of sushi while in San Francisco last week.

2. I auditioned and was accepted into the Seattle Opera Chorus in 1992.

3. I have met and had tea with the King and Queen of Denmark.


Get your votes in, then try this out on your blog and see how well we all know you!

Patience

Patience is.....

....teaching your cat how to use the toilet.

This post in loving memory of Puff.

1992-2006.

Conception by Licking

This past Monday, my darling Greta's eyes were opened just a little bit more.

As we were driving to a friend's house in Keizer, she spied what she thought to be a cute, playful moment between two adorable little dogs.

"Mom! It's so cute! There's these two dogs, one bigger than the other, and the smaller one put its front two paws on the bigger one's back and started licking its back! Isn't that so sweet?"

"Um," I searched for words, "I think they're, um, they're doin' the tango, if you know what I'm sayin'."

"Huh?" Greta asked.

"They're having sex, Greta," came the blunt, knowledgeable reply from Gabby.

"What? Don't they have to be lying down to do that?"

"No. That's how most animals have to do it," I explained.

Greta thought for a moment, then asked,

"By licking each other?"

Just Because

Looking for a quick and easy way to let your husband know that you love him? This is something I learned in junior high: Eyeliner makes a great writing utensil on the bathroom mirror!
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So, if you're up and out of the house before the Mr., scrawl a quick love note on the mirror above his sink in the morning. Or, if you're like me and he's showered and out of the house before you've even entered REM sleep, scribble your note before you go to bed like I do! Either way, it's sure to give him a nice little boost to start his day. Give it a try for tomorrow morning, then come leave me a comment and tell me how it went!



Here's another free tip: put your creamer into your mug before you pour your coffee into it. That way you don't need to dirty a spoon to mix it up. It magically mixes to the perfect consistency right before your eyes as you pour your coffee! Mmmmm, good!


P.S. Please don't judge my hideous bathroom wallpaper. It's the last room I need to redecorate. I have dreams of Venetian tile. Someday....

Ticket to Ride the Crazy Train

The online results are in, and it was a close race. Coming in third, with 5 votes, was "Questioning the Traditions." In second, with 6 votes, was "Times, They Are a Changin'."

So, without further ado, with a winning 7 votes.......

WARNING!! Opinionated Content Ahead!

Ok, so I understand the danger in making generalized statements, so let's just set some facts straight before my tirade. I realize that not ALL of the following subject matter follow suit in the few examples I will be describing. Know that I do not lump an entire industry into the stereotypes of a few bad apples. My husband, in his occupation, certainly understands the pitfalls of people doing that to him. I simply felt the need to express an opinion regarding some prominent people currently in the media. With that being said, I would love to hear your opinions, too. After all, we're all entitled to them, are we not?

To what am I referring? Mostly:

My apologies for this most graphic post, but I did my best to keep the images PG-13, at least. Trust me, a quick Google Image search of Britney will quickly become X-rated.

While perusing the channels the other night, I was captured by the E! THS of Britney Spears entitled: Fall from Grace. It was like a tragic accident on the side of the road: you know you shouldn't be entertained by such a sight, yet you simply can't pull your eyes away.

The show chronicled her downward spiral that has so saturated the media. None of the information was new to me, yet, to see it all edited together in tightly woven succession was rather unbelievable. It really didn't seem real or even humanly possible. I had to literally remind myself that this spectacle was an actual human life, loved by God.

As the images went by, and I saw her in her various walks of life and with her plethora of acquaintances, I found my brow furrowed and my mouth agape in a wordless expression of "Huh?" In my head, all I could comprehend was my internal questioning of "How much money and fame buys you a ticket on the crazy train?"

In what world are her and her other celebrity friends living in? It's some strange, alien land that has a whole different set of standards than mine. Apparently in this land, one must not worry about how little clothing one is wearing, or if it even stays in its proper place covering its intended jewels. It seems as if skin is the main dress, highlighted with a few strips of fabric as an accessory. I'm quite certain that if I were to attempt to wear any one of these "outfits" in the land in which I live, I would be either ticketed, escorted out of whatever function I was attending, or at the very least, scorned by those around me.

Another accepted habit of celebrityland is that it is perfectly normal to attend grandiose, wild parties more nights a week than not. Now, don't get me wrong. I love a good time. Don't get me started on my wild nights playing Catch Phrase and pounding the Diet Cherry Cokes, after a girls dinner out at Applebee's. Good times. But those that can afford the crazy train ticket take the word "party" to a whole new level. You've all seen the images on tv of the photographer-swarmed celebrity making their way into a neon-adorned, beat-pulsing club, only to come out in the wee hours of the morning, stumbling to pose for their mug shot.

But the icing on my "Huh?" cake was during a rerun of "The Surreal Life" on the TVGuide Channel (and, yes, I realize I'm exposing my lovely weak moments in tv viewing.....I DO watch The Discovery Channel, the news, Jeopardy and occasionally OPB, too, among other upstanding programming). Actress/Model Traci Bingham was taking her first tour of the house she would be sharing with the other B-list celebrities. Upon seeing the Jacuzzi tub that any one of us in our world would be thrilled and delighted to own, she proclaimed that she could not--and will not--take a bath in a raspberry colored bathtub. She explained that she'd worked her way into particular quality of life, and a raspberry bathtub was just not acceptable.

A particular quality of life? So my question is: where is that line? When do you decide that the standard way of life for the majority of the population no longer applies to you? How much fame does it take before you actually believe you are above the law? When do you reach the point that you refuse to bathe, for even just two weeks, in a perfectly acceptable bath tub of rose hue?

As I write this, I am aware that Brad and Angelina are probably saving a small country while Cameron Diaz is closing the hole in the ozone layer, but unfortunately, those images didn't come up on my Google search of candid celebrity photographs. I'm glad that there are, what seem to be, responsible people in Celebrityland, but unfortunately those are not the prominent headlines on magazines at the check-out stand.

I'm not sure if Britney bought a one-way ticket on the crazy train, as did Anna Nicole, or if she had the foresight to buy a round-trip pass. I can only hope.

Hope. What a wonderful word. A God-given word. Despite the depravity of this world we currently call home, there will never be a void of hope because of the gift of Jesus Christ. Nothing--or no one--is beyond hope, including me and my sometimes questionable tv viewing habits.

Thank you, God. You are good. All the time. You love all your children and desire no one to be lost.

Let's keep treading, girls, and hopefully, someday soon, the crazy train will be exposed for what it is: an empty, vain, pursuit leading to, well, God knows where.

You Decide

I have so many things rattling around in my brain right now. I feel as if I could go on a writing frenzy, but I do not want to overwhelm you.

Inspired by the New Hampshire primaries, I thought I would share three titles that I currently have in mind for new posts and you could decide what you'd like to read about first....without their descriptions. Get your vote in quickly so that I can release these thoughts through the keyboard!

Your options are:

1. Times, They Are a Changin'

2. Questioning the Traditions

3. Ticket to Ride the Crazy Train

So, without any further information on what those titles might entail, please cast your vote and I'll get to typing.

Thank you for aiding in this moment of indecision.

A Blogger Tale

Once upon a time, there was a sweet and very precocious little frog named Blogger. He lived in a serene little pond that rarely knew anything but peace and tranquility. Each and every day, the morning dew would refreshingly greet him, only to give way to the bright and cheery sunshine to escort him through the day. Then dusk would provide the perfect inspiration for the chorus of croaking performed by the choir of all his kin.

His parents had trained him well, and his extraordinary ability to snatch a fly in a fraction of a second was the best of all the frogs in his little pond. But in addition to that, he always seemed to know just the right lily pad to wait for his prey. It was if he had some secret ability to foretell the flies' flight patterns.

Blogger had every reason to gloat and boast over his fine abilities, yet he chose a much more admirable way of life. He was known as the most generous frog in all the forest, always providing bountiful meals for all the frogs and bug-eating critters around. The birds would spread the word far and wide about this wonderful frog named Blogger.

He was very content with the environment in which he called home, and loved his friends dearly. There was no reason in Blogger's mind to stray from this happy little pond which he called home.

But then one day,

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Up for some fun? Now YOU take the next snippet of the story! Post a comment completing the next few lines of the tale with whatever you can come up with. Leave a bit of a cliff hanger so that each subsequent comment will build on the one prior to it until we finally have an ending to the story!

Let's see how we do as a community of blogger authors! How creative can we get? What will become of our little Blogger? Only you guys know..........

Have fun!

Blog Party Homework

Taking a little break from Africa posting to complete my homework for the much anticipated blog part! Can't wait to hang with you all!

1.What is your Motto?

"Commit and Go!"

2.What superhuman power would you most want to have?

Time Travel

3.Cats or dogs?

Dogs

4.Would you rather be a little smarter or sexier?

Smarter

5.What's the one thing you'll never understand?

NaBloPoMo

6. My life would be simpler if?

If I ditched technology

7. The big decision I'm currently wrestling with?

Should we get a Christmas tree this year?


There you have it. I usually resist quizzes and e-mail forwards, but I feared not receiving a latte at the blog party,so I just had to commit and go with this homework assignment. More Out of Africa to come. It's a big continent, so there's a lot to cover...hope you all won't be tired of hearing about it!

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Edited:

I just noticed that the person I copied the questions from had left one out:

What makes you laugh?

Good friends

Movie Faves

Just a quick little game for your enjoyment (hopefully).

The following are some movie quotes from some of my favorite movies (and some that aren't really my favorites but had some good quotes). See how many you can figure out. Read the quote and name the movie title in your comment, stating the quote number with which it corresponds.

1. "That'll do, Pig."

2. "Wax on. Wax off."

3. "I believe you'll get your headlines after all, Mr. Ismay."

4. "I want my two dollars!"

5. "You have arm hair."

6. "You will always be my bosom friend."

7. "No one puts Baby in a corner."

8. "Stupid is as stupid does."

9. "Stop rhyming now, I mean it."

......And my all time favorite movie......

10. "Tomorrow is another day."

So, do you think between all of you bloggers you can figure out all ten? Maybe I should set a limit of three movie titles per person, that way some smarty pants out there won't ruin it for everyone else. Yeah, let's do it that way.

What's your favorite movie? Any guilty pleasures?

You Title the Photo

Ah, my sweet Greta Rose at 6 months old.





Here are some possible titles for this photo:



"A Wrinkle in Time"

"They're Real and They're Spectacular"

"Because So Much is Riding on Your Tires"

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Now, be kind, and let me know how you'd title it.

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*She took this last photo with her brand new, $30 digital camera that she bought with her own money. How cute is this girl??

Shopping Your Closet

I need skirts! Long, baggy skirts!

In Africa, I will not be allowed to wear pants. The thigh area of a woman is considered taboo and needs to be hidden. My problem is that I do not own any skirts or dresses that would be appropriate. The two skirts that I have (and rarely wear), are neither long nor baggy.

So before I go out and buy several skirts to bring with me on this trip, I thought I'd try to raid your closets first! Does anybody out there have skirts that match this description hanging unused in the far reaches of your wardrobe? They may or may not be returned to you, as they encourage us to leave as many clothes behind for the Ugandans to keep.

Let me know in the next couple of days, as I will be heading out to Goodwill and Ross Dress for Less in the very near future to find some good buys on skirts that I will probably never wear again.

To explain, in case you were wondering, I have a bit of an aversion to skirts, dresses and, of course, the dreaded set of hose, because from middle school through college, if I wasn't on the court or on the field, I was singing somewhere. And back in those days, my singing career meant wearing shoulder-padded dresses, shiny nylons and high-heels. The high-heels stuck with me, but I will never-ever again wear nylons, and very rarely wear dresses or skirts. Praise God for grace when it comes to "Sunday Best" attire!

Anyway, thanks for any help you can give me! And remember, I'm 5'10'' with a little junk in the trunk, if you know what I'm sayin'!

Smooth Move

I am never late.

Ok,"never" may be extreme. I suppose there has been the rare occurrence that some extenuating circumstance beyond my control may have made me the slightest bit late for something once or twice. But, in general, I am never late. Nothing brings me more pleasure than arriving exactly two minutes early. Ok, "nothing" may be extreme. I suppose there are other events that are more pleasurable, but that's for another post.

Today, I was to arrive at North Lancaster Kaiser at exactly 3:15pm for a doctor's appointment to be fitted with a brace for my ankle. My torn ligament needed some support. Grabbing my crutch and daughter, I hopped into the car at just the perfect time, factoring in the late afternoon traffic for my route.

To my horror, as I was traveling down Keubler toward I-5, I realized I hadn't shaved my legs in at least two, yes, maybe even three days. At a stop light, I confirmed that I did indeed have mild to moderate stubble on the very ankle that was to be examined.

In a panic I checked the clock, calculating the risk of turning back home to remedy the situation. Too risky. I would perhaps be late. I couldn't take that chance. My mind raced as I stayed on course, picturing the apologies I would be making to the doctor, nurse and x-ray tech for my unsightly stubble. This was not acceptable.

Thinking ahead on my route, I realized that I would be passing right by the Walgreen's on the corner of Lancaster and Sunnyslope. Could I do it? I wondered. It would all depend upon the traffic between my exit and Lancaster. It would have to be a perfectly smooth operation.

The traffic on Market was heavier than I'd hoped, but as I finally turned onto Lancaster, I saw that perhaps I could actually pull this off.

I rolled into the Walgreen's parking lot and hobbled into the store. An employee saw the look of desperation on my face and came to my aid. She directed me to the razors and even opened her register so that I didn't have to wait in line at the other.

I returned to my car in a matter of minutes, got back onto Lancaster, and shaved my right leg, toes to knee, while waiting at the stoplight at Sunnyslope, using a bottle of hand sanitizer that I had in my car.

It stung a bit, but crisis averted. I hobbled up to the check-in counter at Kaiser at exactly 3:13pm. Mission accomplished.

Just for Giggles